I hate when this happens. I feel very much as if I do not belong to anything... or any one thing... or to anyone! Its the worst feeling when you can't cope with the idea of feeling very much alone!

And it's stupid!! Why... because I am not alone at all! I have friends that care about me... that want to hang out... that wish to see me and be a part of my life as much as I wish to be a part of their lives...

I have grown a group... from nothing to 75 followers and growing weekly!

I belong to another group where I am at least 50% liked!

I have many people that are interested in being with me to some extent... so my love life is not really dead at all...

and yet... for some reason... I hinge my feelings of connection on one or three, maybe 4 people... and when those people do not respond as expected... I feel lost?

It is annoying to say the least. Perhaps because it means that I have feelings for certain people or type of person or persona. It makes me feel weak, inferior, powerless to know that my day and the atmosphere of my week can be breached by such trivial human feelings. I mean... I am nearly 90% robot. That damn 10% of me that still has to have feelings... curse it I say!

I have a plan and direction for my life. It may just seem that today, it is not moving as I would have expected or as quickly as I would like it to. Each day seems like another day further away from my goals rather than towards them. Again, in part due to my sudden connection to my emotional side. I must not give in to emotions!! Each time I do they become my downfall... they are my achilles heel... my soft spot... they are that which breaks me down and causes me to become weak, feeble, and worst of all, mistake prone. Feelings tend to cloud my judgment, make me think the impossible, and worst of all, make me crash the hardest. Oh how I wish to not have feelings ever, but I seem to be only able to control them and keep them at bay 90% of the time...

If only I could harness the other 10% for when I have a moment like this...

After much thought and investigation into how human interaction works, I happened upon an interesting commonality between how people make decisions in all things and how this translates to the dating world.

First and foremost, know this:

The system is stacked against you.

Sadly, this is the reality we live in. Now... as to why?? Well... read on.

Before I delve into the dating aspect of this topic, let me first give some context. I used to watch a bit of TV, and as of the last 5 or so years, have virtually given it up. Why you may ask? Because the quality of shows keeps dropping further and further into what I deem as "cesspool TV." This is the TV shows that pretty much make you look at life and wonder how the hell these people ever made it to 15 seconds of fame, much less getting picked for a reality TV show. And then it hit me...

There are two types of people that get picked to be on reality TV. Those that cause drama (which typically boost ratings), and those that are largely of the model of popularity (those that have a cult following of people that simply worship them). The first of the two types are easy to spot. They are the ones that will say/do/act/be anything simply to get a rise out of people. Sadly, these people also fit the mantra of popularity in that people thrive to see drama or live vicariously through drama induced situations. Thus, they too have a cult following of people that either truly like them, truly hate them, or truly are indifferent but are just there for the show. In any case... I began to wonder about the psyche of people who cater to such stupid nonsense. Well.. there is no explanation.

The second of these groups are those people that are just on the pinnacle of good looking, attractive, sexy, whatever. These people can simply do absolutely no wrong. Despite what a jerk a guy in this category may be, women will still want to be with him. Doesn't matter if he cheats, lies, beats her, whatever... women will still choose this guy over others. Why? Because that choice is largely based on three concepts. 1) I want people to see me with a popular person and think I am popular and 2) status symbol decision making. In either case, popular people are sought after time and again, followed time and again, embellished time and again. There is one major character flaw to these people and that is they are never the best person for the job. In fact, they are average for the job in most cases. Which leads me to my final concept here and that is 3) people are more than willing to settle for mediocrity to make themselves feel more equal with others than they truly are.

So... all that being said...

When it comes to making choices for leaders and such, people tend to have the same moral code when choosing. 1) Is this person popular? Yes or No. 2) Will this person make me or us look good? Yes or No. 3) Will this person create drama and make watching them in situations interesting? Yes or No. Sadly, this system of choices sums up 80% of television today and almost 100% of how the world is run today. Case in point, American Idol season 2 or 3. Clay Aiken, clearly more talented to Rueben loses to Rueben. Why? Popularity. Survivor season 1 - naked gay guy loses to Navy Seal in a contest of survival. Why? Popularity. In both cases, the winners were adequate enough to be there, but if put to a true test, neither would prevail as the best option. I certainly would want to be on a deserted island with a navy seal than a naked gay guy. I mean really... who would ever choose differently? And there in lies the problem... likely many people would choose differently. It is the mantra of "horror flick revamp where kids in a situation will always choose to stay and investigate despite all signs of futility and peril than to just run away." The best choice there would always be to run, yet we see the cliche time and again and those characters stick around for 400% longer than any normal smart sane individual would. Is it this repetitive indoctrination that has caused educated choices to fall off the way side?

Now, back to dating...

Let's just be honest here. Hot girls are attractive, and attractive = popularity. The more attractive you are, typically the more popular you are. Guys swarm over you in most cases, and if they are not swarming, they are drooling. Be that as it may, the women also likely pair and choose the more popular guys. The tall, dark, handsome men that have tons of friends, both girl and guy, are always called upon, etc etc. And why not? They are the more popular choices to choose from. Women choose football captains, hockey players, jocks galore in key sports fields - why? Because they key sports fields are popular and boast the most popular of men. You don't see a beauty queen dating a tennis star do you? No... likely not.

So here we have this stigma. And what do we do about it? Well... sadly... nothing. Why? Where I would like to see this change so that true talent prevails, it's sadly not an optimistic dream that will ever come to reality. Popular people are not going to willing be dethroned from their pinnacle achievement of popularity and why you say? Who would really want to feel as if they are beaten by someone they deem to be lesser than them?

I came to this realization over the last year... and quite honestly... it bothers me so deeply that I am completely and utterly fed up with the system. What I want, I will never have, and yet what I can and have offered... sadly is not enough despite it being a better package than what I have seen chosen above me. If I may exemplify:

I was approached by a really nice and attractive girl - we hung out... started getting a little serious. She was in the midst of breaking it off with a guy - said guy was living out of his car, had no future plans, no secondary education, no steady job... and yet... me... who had all those and a hell of a lot more... who was willing to give it a chance and maybe be something more than she has ever had... was dumped to go back to... tada - Mr. Popularity. Yup... kid was popular despite the setbacks. I warned that the situation would not turn out well if she was already miserable as it were. Low and behold... 5 months later... broken up again for literally the same reasons.

And so it goes to show you... if you are not popular... you can't beat the system. You will always have to settle for second best. Problem is that for those that strive to be excellent - you don't ever want to settle for second best. Leader... and yet you can't even rally the troops anymore. Long gone are the days of true leadership like from Abraham Lincoln, George Washington. Nope... now it is replaced with the next monkey that looks good, has a good way with words, and doesn't matter if they lie, cheat, steal... they are still worshipped.

This is what is wrong with our world... and why we, as people, will never be happy with the choices we make when it comes to choosing others to do or hold the positions we allow them to hold... albeit husband, wife, senator, or manager.

Most people will likely read this and think "yeah, there is truth to that." Great! Yet even being a half full glass kind of guy... I have seen the followup to that which is nothing. Recognizing that there is a problem doesn't make the problem go away. It starts with YOU. I'd like to live in a better world, and although I am trying to do my part, I would appreciate it if YOU did your part for a change...