I enjoyed watching C,S,L with you.  You know what I liked better though?  Talking to you last night and hearing you tell me that you are ready for a real relationship.  You know what I liked better than that?  I was the guy you were telling that to. 

Today I couldn't stop thinking of you.  I know we have been on a rocky start, but patience has been paying off and I feel that it is going to be worth it.  Where once I thought I lost that magical feeling of falling for you, I realized today that it is actually well and good, sitting there ready and waiting for you.  It's hard to keep it down inside, but I will do my best so as not to overwhelm you.

Today I mostly thought about holding you, cuddling close, and nothing else.  It was so relaxing and amazing to think of those thoughts with you.  I am almost impatient in waiting for that to happen.  Soon though, I know it will.

I can't wait to see you.  Seeing you makes me so happy on the inside.  I simply want nothing else in the world right now than to spend time with you.  Isn't that sad?  Or is it amazing?  I find it to be a lot of the latter.

See you soon!

Me 

Yeah, I am the bat shit crazy one by the way...

I should have made that more clear - but failed to express my own frustration with my own self.

Is there anything wrong with being overly excited about something that you wanna immerse yourself into that one thing?  I don't often have that problem except when it comes to a new video game that really looks good.  Rather, I am very disconnected from things due to not wanting to be devastated, hurt, vulnerable, crazy, jealous, what have you.

And that's another thing... I realized for the first time what it's like to be jealous.  And I also learned why I was never jealous before, and that's because my level of apathy towards things that would normally inspire jealousy has been so far off the charts that I never developed a real reason to be jealous in the first place.  

Jealousy sucks.  Sucks big time.  I don't like how it feels and I just may have to go back to being apathetic.  Even though I am distant when I am apathetic, at least I don't have to deal with being jealous!  Though I guess I am simply trading one bad habit for another, but such is the way of life.  Ask Uncle Buck!

Today I feel like a loser...

I wrote an email to someone where I opened myself up - and they wrote back saying thanks, appreciated, will respond later, and then... notta all day.  

Gotta luv that!  Just gotta luv that...

Prob busy, in fact, I know they are busy... but still... it takes 5 seconds to say "hey, I didn't forget about you, I am busy today but will make time for you soon."

I guess that's too much to ask for these days.