My good friend, whom I talk to every now and again through Facebook, is such a devout christian. Unlike other Christians though, he is one who is patient, caring, kind, and not overly obtrusive.
My old friend, whom I have not talked to in a long time, Mrs. Jacqueline Burelle Marrs was the same way. It's probably why I liked her so much as a friend. I miss her dearly.
On a note about her, I am a complete ass. Her father passed away but 2 weeks after my father passed away in 2006. I never knew it... and I was never there for her either. No wonder why she gave up on our friendship. I never reciprocated what she was giving to me. For that, I should rot in hell.
I have come to the very stark conclusion that it's going to take a very special person for me to be in love with. I know, this seems like it should be common knowledge, but it isn't really. I am not talking about saying I am in love with someone, I am talking about feeling that I am in love with someone. For me though, it is much different than for other people. I am very disconnected from my emotions 90% of the time. In all the years I have dated and with all the girlfriends I have been with, only 2 was I ever truly in love with. In both cases, they had a magic about them that melted every wall, every defense, every guard that was put up, and in those two rare instances, I was not disconnected from my emotions.
My love for them was intense, passionate, fulfilling, non-judgmental, and more beautiful than words can describe. In both instances, I was severely heart broken. The first time, i couldn't bring myself to date anyone for almost 2 years. The second, I required rebounding off two women, and completely crushed them both on account of that. 
I have a bit to add to my protected log on this - I shall do that now.
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